Out of Hand
by Novalo Typo
Summary: The Pokemon world is packed with surprises. Every Pokemon trainer knows just how crazy things can get if the protagonist of the game decides to stroll into town. So, here's the question: just how crazy can the Pokemon universe get? When gaming worlds collide and all our favourite protagonists meet face to face, things will obviously explode. A series of short stories.
1. Chapter 1

**_Chapter One - Fashion Snap_**

Let's start off simple.

Things have gotten a bit strange around Unova.

Scratch that.

Things have gotten _really_ weird around Unova - if not the entire Pokemon world.

It all started off with a Gym Leader from the Kalos region visiting Unova. No biggie. Gym Leaders and Champions from different regions weren't a strange sight at all in Unova. But Clay hadn't even invited the Gym Leaders from the Kalos region over to the Pokemon World Tournament yet. Sure, he was planning to, but having the gym leader from Laverre City visit Unova was a pretty big surprise. The Kalos region had just calmed down a regional crisis that had started with a group called Team Flare trying to wipe the planet clean of everybody except themselves. Greedy, much? Anyway, the last thing that Clay expected was Valerie, the pretty and elegant Fairy-type girl, to hop off of a boat that had docked at the Castelia City Harbor. I was there too. I had just finished up an assignment in Johto on the Burnt Tower and I was absolutely _dead_. I felt like a Magikarp that had been fried by a blazing hot Flamethrower attack. So it was easy to say that I was pretty tired, and with all this news about Valerie giving us a friendly visit... I wanted to die.

* * *

_"What?"_

"Ch-Chief, please calm down!"

"No! Tell me! What does this mean?"

"I-It's just as I said! Valerie has partnered with Elesa for a fashion show! It's -"

Lana Tel, chief of the Photography Department of the National Unova News, banged her head onto the desk covered with paperwork. She gave a pathetic moan as she slammed her fists down beside her head. The photographer repeated this several times before finally sinking down into her chair with messing strands of loose black hair sticking out from random places of her head.

"It's going to attract everybody in Unova, right?"

"Um, yes, most likely."

Lana gave a heavy sigh and slowly got up from her defeated pose. She grabbed her camera off the table with a deep frown and waved to her assistant, Geo. The stiff man handed her a cup of coffee and backed up before any harm could be done to him or the coffee mug. He knew that the chief was angry, and when the chief was angry, she would usually seem like she was defeated or tired. But peel a tiny layer of that personality off and - BAM! - everything gets trashed. The last time she had acted this way was when she had to research the Ruins of Alph, and Chief Tel absolutely hated research about old, damp places. So what had she done after she returned from her trip? Why, wrecked everything in her office to such an extent that even her Garchomp didn't bother her for the next few days after that Rage Bar in her head slowly depleted. Of course, Geo was a good man. He would try to calm her down whenever she decided that it would be time for another raging session.

Nah. Who was he kidding?

He was absolutely terrified of the chief.

Well, as much as he was scared of Chief Tel... he decided that he would try calming her down when he saw the chief's notebook.

_Plan A - Strangle Valerie. Might lead to prison. Worth it._

_Plan B - Poison Valerie. Might lead to prison. Worth it._

_Plan C - Burn Valerie. Might lead to prison. Worth it._

_Plan D - Hold her Pokemon hostage. Might lead to prison. Worth it._

_Plan E - Convince Elesa that Valerie was the one who designed Team Flare's uniforms. Might lead to extensive mocking from Elesa's side. Would be hilarious. _

_Plan F - Push Valerie into the ocean with Jellicent. Might lead to prison. Worth it._

Geo silently ripped out the pages and let his Growlithe rip them to shred as he decided to go pay his boss a visit.

* * *

"Every single outfit..." Lana sighed. She had her arms wrapped underneath her head, acting like a cushion. She was drawing pathetic swirlies with one hand and ignoring the world around her. Geo sucked in a deep breath and stepped into his chief's office. "Chief?" He called, trying to swallow his nervousness, which turned into an embarrassing voice crack. He coughed and tried again, walking into the room and shutting the door behind him. "Chief," he repeated. The photographer looked up with tired eyes and moaned, "what?"

"Um... the show starts in an hour."

"No. Please. No. Nooooo..." She eventually trailed off into a chain of inhuman noises, slapping her palm onto the wooden desk. Geo gave a sigh. His chief obviously wasn't going to do anything. So maybe... oh, Arceus. He was going to regret this decision. "Um... Chief, if you're not going to go, I'll go instead."

Lana sat up immediately, pulling out her wallet and shoving several bills into his chest along with two VIP tickets to the fashion show, followed by a coupon for Casteliacones. She gave a thumbs up and nodded, determined. "Good man!" The chief stood and slapped Geo on the back, smiling. "That's my assistant! I'll treat you to lunch at Itala's tomorrow!"

Geo backed up quickly. "Geo... as in that four-star restaurant!?" Itala's was one of the best eateries in Castelia but charged a heck of a lot out of the wallet just for one meal, so the only people who really ate there were either rich people or Pokemon Trainers with a lot of money. Geo did have quite a bit of money, but he had never thought of eating at such an expensive place. They served Pokemon as well, so the fee was pretty high. Chief Tel got a lot of money from her jobs that she took, so she got VIP access to basically everything along with money falling into her lap every day. Geo exhaled and reached for his camera. "I, um... I'll be going now," he said, voice shaking. The chief still kept her smile. Then she seemed to remember something, tapping her forehead. "Right!" The smile turned into a grim frown as she set one hand on her assistant's shoulder. Lana shook her head and said, "you know that Valerie's quite the popular Gym Leader, right? Cute and cuddly? Pretty?"

Geo nodded his head.

"And how Elesa's a fashionista of Unova? Popular? Pretty? Has like a million fan clubs?"

Geo nodded his head again.

The chief sighed. "Well, do you remember last year's photos of the stampede at one of Elesa's fashion shows with the clothing imported from Hoenn?" Geo thought back to that one report. The only thing he really remembered was how people trampled one another with Pokemon to get into the Gym. The police did get involved, but the show proceeded as normal. More than two hundred people were injured and around fifty had been knocked unconsciousness. Geo shuddered at the thought. Two really pretty Gym Leaders equals double the damage count. Wow. He would be lucky be he got out alive... and with all his limbs. The man shuffled his feet nervously. "Um... how long is the wait time for the show?" Geo thought of all the possible ways he could get injured. Somebody setting a Tyranitar loose... somebody setting a Haxorus loose... he pushed the increasing amount of gruesome thoughts to the back of his head and thought about the good things that would happen. He could get a Casteliacone on the way to Nimbasa City and had a lot of extra cash to spend. Plus he would get a four-star lunch tomorrow, so it would be worth the pain and suffering...

Right?

* * *

"No way that was worth it," Geo moaned, dragging his legs across the floor of the hallway.

So everything had started well. Because of his VIP pass, Geo had special escorts to his seat, escaping the chaos outside. The line was huge and the people had a crazed look in their eyes and heated battles were already starting. A Hex Maniac had freaked the hell out of a pair of Ace Trainers and was "cursing" them with her Espurr while a Beauty and a Pokemaniac were fighting over a dropped VIP ticket like dogs. Their Pokemon were watching them from a distance. It was like the trainers and the Pokemon had reversed roles. In other words, scary.

As he entered his chief's office, he let out a loud sigh. Chief Tel had a wide smile on her face and raised an eyebrow. "Well?" She crossed one leg over the other and folded her arms. "How was it?"

"Miserable," Geo replied sadly. He pulled a chair from one of the tables and sat down. "It was good at first," he started. A shiver coursed through his body as he remembered the horrors of the fashion-obsessed girls and the girl-obsessed guys. "But then this idiot decided that it would be a good idea to send this duo of a Gardevoir and a Gallade out to 'clear a path' - yeah, more like 'stampede over everybody in the line to get dibs on a good place'. Then an Ace Trainer thought it was a threat so he fought back with a Zoroark and used Night Daze. Night Daze. Why Night Daze? Of course, it hit this other person's Charizard and he got really pissed so apparently he decided that Flare Blitz was a good move to use. In public. In a giant crowd. Oh, man, you could hear the stream of ambulances rushing down the street. It wasn't even funny. Of course, I got there safely, but still..." Geo let out a deep breath after his rushed paragraph. Chief Tel looked amused. "Got the photos?" She asked.

"Got 'em," Geo replied sadly.

"Never doing that again?"

_"Never."_

Lana Tel kicked her legs up onto her desk and thought about all the incoming stories about the recent terrorist group from the Kalos region. She smiled, slapped a hand onto her forehead, and sighed.

"Things are gonna get out of hand..."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter Two - A Bit of Crack**_

"What the hell is this?"

All the Pokemon game protagonists and rivals were leaning and bent over Calem, who was holding several pieces of paper in his hand. Ethan pushed his way through. "What's that?" He asked, catching a glimpse at the title.

Calem turned around and held the papers up. "You guessed it," he sighed, shaking his head. "Like every other crack fanfic... it's a list of things we can't do."

Everybody groaned.

"Well," Hilbert said, pulling up a chair. "Read it and let's see who the creator of this fanfic mocks the most." The rest of the protagonists exchanged nervous looks with the knowledge that crackfics never ended well and prepared themselves for an eternity of neverending torture. Calem cleared his throat and began speaking.

_30 Things the Protagonists (and Rivals) Are Forbidden from Ever Doing_

**1. I am not allowed to walk into a restaurant in Lumiose, ask for water, drink it in front of a waiter and collapse while grabbing at my throat and clawing at the air. I am especially not allowed to run off while they call for an ambulance, rush into the washroom, change my outfit and disguise as somebody else just because the prices are "too damn high" and leave a ninja-like manner.**

And on that day, Red decided that he was officially the king of sneak.

**2. I am not allowed to play out a Mario game in the middle of Lumiose City.**

Calem laughed evilly as he prepared his Pokemon for the greatest show that Lumiose City would ever see. He had been planning this for months with Serena and Rosa. Now, it was time to prepare the plumber costume...

**3. I am not allowed to spread rumors that Cynthia is dating Lance who is cheating on her with Diantha.**

Lucas smiled in the corner of the cafe, watching the chaos unfold. Nobody would suspect a timid, innocent child...

**4. I am not allowed to complain amount Pokemon logic.**

Brendan rubbed his head, irritated. "This sucks," he growled, standing in front of the tiny tree that blocked his path to a TM. "Why is this video game so stupid!?" While the trainer was raging about how only his starter Pokemon could learn Cut, he completely missed the blond-haired hero dressed in a green tunic. The hero knew that he was in the wrong game but saw the protagonist freaking out over a tree blocking his path and had decided to prove that at least Zelda physics made a bit more sense that Pokemon laws. And so he ran up, performed a spin attack, cutting the tree in half, and ran off.

"YEAH, JUST RUB IT IN MY FACE, WILL YA!?" Brendan screamed after the laughing hero.

The hero just threw a Cucco at him.

**5. I am not allowed to make somebody high off any kind of substance.**

"THE HORROR!"

"MY EYES!"

Ethan and May screamed in synch, attracting the attention of Nate, who was calmly strolling down the hallway to buy a drink. When the two trainers ran past him like there were free Max Revives at the lobby, Nate walked up to the room that the had just fled. And he experienced the worst thing in his life.

Blue, the so-called respected Gym Leader of Viridian City, was in his boxers (which Nate discovered to be Luvdisc patterned), dancing on top of the bed, singing to "Sexy and I Know It". There was a comb stuck in his hair along with globs of toothpaste (how the hell did that happen?) and there were splashes of red paint (...or blood) covering his entire body. Lipstick was drawn all over his cheeks like he was a Pikachu while eye shadow and mascara were thrown around here and there.

"YEAH!" Blue screeched, jumping from one bed to the other. He pulled a pair of black shades out of his boxers (oh god) and paused for a second to adjust them on his face before screaming something unidentifiable.

Nate stared in shock.

It was then that Blue whipped around, saw Nate, jumped off the bed, and walked right up to the shocked trainer. "You!" He hissed, pointing an accusing finger at the poor boy. Nate blinked twice. "W-What?"

Blue looked extremely pissed as he grabbed the broom and pointed it at the trainer's nose, barely an inch away. "What have you done with my wife!?"

"Y-Your what?"

"You fiend!" Blue attempted to whack Nate with the handle of the broom but the trainer dodged out of the way. "How dare you kidnap Leaf! I command you to return her at once!"

"Blue, I think you need to calm down -"

"I will not hear any of your foolish excuses! You of all people know how important my darling Leaf is to me!"

"Blue." Nate was seriously freaking out now. "Um... can you tell me who I am?"

The Gym Leader grabbed a knife from a flower pot and pointed the scarily sharp blade at the Black and White 2 protagonist. "Don't be foolish," he growled. "You are my despicable rival, the man who challenged me for my beautiful female protagonist when she was a widow! And now you are so evil as you kidnap her and hold her ransom!" Blue swung the knife sideways, almost taking off Nate's head. "I shall have your head!"

The Gym Leader wasn't actually that intimidating, now that Nate looked at him. Well, except for the knife. That was a bit scary. Talking about scary, what would Leaf do once she heard but Blue had said about her being his wife? Nate let out a deep sigh of relief as Blue dropped the knife suddenly onto the table. Thinking the drugs - or the sugar - or the whatever he had in his system had died down a little, Nate edged closer to him.

Which resulted in him almost getting his head bashed in.

"I will give you ten seconds to give up this scheme of yours. Otherwise you shall answer to the power of this weapon in my hand!"

"Blue, that's a teapot."

"Ten!"

"Blue, please -"

"Nine!"

"Um... you're not serious, are you?"

"Eight!"

"Okay... let's go see Leaf and see what she has to say about this -"

"Seven!"

Nate backed up slowly and he noticed that he had backed up into the hallway. And people were staring. He gave a deep breath and said, "Blue, I'm - I'm, uh, gonna go get my mental health checked. You wanna come?"

"Six!"

And Nate ran down the hall with Blue hot at his heels.

He ran all the way to the fourth floor, the floor that Red's room was located. He used his Emboar to break down and look in every door before screaming and getting something thrown in his face by the angry residents. He had bashed down about fourteen doors before he had found Red, sitting at the couch with a mug of coffee and newspaper. The trainer even complimented his calm appearance with a fuzzy blue robe, Buneary slippers, and a donut on a plate. Probably Boston Cream.

"RED!" Nate screeched, rushing in and tripping over his own feet. "BLUE'S GONE INSANE!"

Then Red revealed an evil smile and flipped the page of his newspaper.

As Blue charged in, Red flicked his hand and his loyal Pikachu jumped up onto the Gym Leader's shoulder, discharging an extreme amount of electricity. Blue fainted with foam at his mouth. Nate stared in shock.

"YOU EVIL TRAINER!" He screamed. "WHAT DID YOU DO!?"

Red cackled evilly and dropped the newspaper, allowing his Pikachu to sit on his lap so he could stroke his Pokemon like all evil villains did. He even kicked up his leg over the other.

"I spiked his coffee."

**6. I am not allowed to have traumatic flashbacks in front of people.**

Silver was convinced that Nate was having a seizure. Hugh, on the other hand, was freaking out. Big time.

"Hello? 911? I need an ambulance!"

"THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!"

**7. I am not allowed to introduce anyone to White/Hilda x N fanart.**

Hilda sobbed in the corner. N walked over and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Well, to be honest, I'm okay with this -"

"YOU IDIOT!"

And so the battle between protagonist and antagonist ended with N getting a slap so hard he flew out the newly smashed castle wall.

**8. I am not allowed to introduce any Male Protagonist x Male Protagonist fanfiction/fanart that is rated 18+ to anybody.**

"...Blue, have you seen the fanart about us?"

"Um, no."

"Good."

Red fainted in front of his laptop.

Blue was too scared to look.

**9. I am not allowed to raid the Casteliacone stand.**

Dawn stood on top of the fountain, pointing at the innocent-looking stand.

"GO, MY MINIONS!" She commanded. "ATTACK!" With Dawn's order, her army of Bidoof charged in out of the Pokemon Center and scrambled down the streets. The giant horde of Pokemon drove everybody away from the Casteliacone Stand and bit anybody who tried otherwise.

Dawn gave an evil villain laugh. "SWEET JUSTICE!"

**10. I am not allowed to spread false rumors about the next generation.**

"HEY! GUYS!" Ethan waved at the screen of the console, shattering the fourth wall. "THE NEXT GEN IS GONNA BE LIKE -"

It was then that Kris strolled by, roundhouse kicked Ethan, and mushed his face into the dirt.

**11. I am not allowed to attend a video game convention.**

"Save me!" Red screamed, running away from a group of female cosplayers.

"Save yourself!" Blue yelled back, climbing the side of building to escape his own horde of fangirls.

Meanwhile, Rosa and Leaf were chatting casually with two cosplayers dressed as Link and Zelda. "I have to say," Rosa said, "your costumes are really realistic." The Zelda snorted. "Please," she sighed, shaking her head. "You're not the only ones who got dragged into this mess of a convention."

Leaf blinked. "So... I'm guessing that the crowd of SSBB characters are..."

"It was a group trip," Link answered. Rosa gave a surprised look. "You can talk?" She asked. "But I thought you were mute!"

"Yeah. And I thought Red was mute, too."

"...Point."

**12. I am not allowed to convince others that I have been possessed by a Pokemon.**

"I will... harvest your souls..."

"NOOOO! SAVE MEEEEE!"

Hilbert gave a thumbs up to his Gengar for the special effects.

**13. I am not allowed to attempt to set fire to the rain.**

"Well, let's give this a shot! Simisear, use Flamethrower!"

Later...

"BIANCA, I SPENT 300,000 ON THIS OUTFIT!"

"Waaaah! I'm so sorry!"

**14. I am not allowed to spend an entire week locked up in a room playing Pokemon Amie.**

"Hello?" Wally knocked on the door. "Serena? You there?" When he didn't he a response, the timid trainer opened the door and peeked in. The curtains blocked all sunlight from entering the room and the only thing that produced a source of light was the 3DS that a female figure held in her hands.

Serena turned around slowly. Her eyes were wide and glinted in the dark. Wally nearly pissed his pants.

"Don't... bother me..."

Wally slammed the door shut behind him.

**15. I am not allowed to drive people to the brink of insanity.**

"HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LISTEN! HEY! LISTEN!"

"Shut up... please..."

**16. I am not allowed to handle any kind of explosive.**

"I will not!"

"Yes you will!"

Cheren glared at Lyra, who was trying to convince him to dress up in a maid costume to make her Meganium happy. "Oh yeah?" The Gym Leader lifted his head proudly. "Or what?"

Lyra pulled out a stick of dynamite from her bag. Cheren paled immediately.

And on that day, the fines for damage of owned property that Lyra and Cheren had to pay emptied their pockets more than the boutique in Lumiose.

**17. I am not allowed to bring over characters from other Nintendo games.**

"Yo," Ethan greeted as he walked up to Silver. The red haired rival raised an eyebrow at the people behind the protagonist. "Hey," he started, pointing to the line. "Who're they?"

Ethan smiled and stepped back. "Silver, meet Link, Mario, Lucas, Kirby, and Donkey Kong! They came from the other Nintendo games and we were planning on having this video game tour thing, you know?" Silver sighed. This was going to be a long day.

"And this is the Goldenrod City! Erm, Kirby, you can't eat that - hey, Silver! Get Mario before he crushes another Oddish! Link! You can't blow up that thing... oh, god... Lucas? Where's Lucas? Oh no, please don't tell me he's angsting about his past again! Hey, D.K, you shouldn't rage at that Miltank!"

"Hey, guys!" Link walked up to Ethan and Silver with a smile on his face. "You wanna come to Hyrule sometime?"

The two trainers smiled at each other.

"...And if you ever try to set fire to another Picoro settlement, derail a speeding Spirit Train, break into the Temple of Time, terrorize poor Loftwings, freeze over Lake Hylia, convince the Gorons that the world is ending, and, Hylia forbid, tell people that Zelda and I have slept together..."

Link pulled out a giant wrecking ball.

"I will grind you down to organ mush."

**18. I am not allowed to scream when somebody's taste of style is strange.**

Lucas held up his Pokeball, ready to start a battle with the mysterious people who had attempted to mug him. Narrowing his eyes, the Pokemon Trainer tossed out his Pokeball, releasing his Empoleon in a short dazzle of light.

"Who are you?" He demanded, completely prepared to freeze the cloaked duo if they tried anything weird. One of the two chuckled.

"Who are we?" She voiced, ripping her cloak off. Her partner followed. "We are Team Flare! Now give us all your Pokemon and money or else -"

Lucas let out a horrible shriek.

The Team Flare duo starred with surprise at Lucas with questioning eyes. "Hey," the girl whispered to her partner. "Did we scare the kid that much?" The guy who she was paired up with shrugged. "Dunno."

"THOSE OUTFITS! THE PAIN!"

**19. I am not allowed to search for easter eggs during the storyline.**

"So, Leaf..."

"Kris, I know that look. And I know that I don't like when I know that look."

"Wanna go find some easter eggs with me?"

"Kris, please..."

"Too bad! I'm not hearing any of your excuses! Let's go!"

**XXXXX**

"Look! Look! Diamond dust!"

"K-K-Kris, I-I-I'm fr-freezing. L-Let's go. P-Please."

"Snowpoint is the best place to be on January 12th!"

**XXXXX**

"Oooh... well, isn't this cool! Look! All this rain!"

"...And just when Serena convinced me to buy a new outfit..."

"Route 13 is the place to be ~ on December 2nd ~ Yeah!"

**XXXXX**

"Lookie here!"

"Um... this is Serena's room..."

Dibs on the Wii U!"

**XXXXX**

"Well, after all that searching, it finally paid off, huh?"

"That was the creepiest thing I've ever seen in my life."

"Oh ~ Lumiose City ~ Why are you so freaky ~?"

**XXXX**

"Hey! Hey! Look at that! Missingno!"

"It can't be - oh. Wow. Din't notice that one before."

"Okay, let's save... whoops. Did I just glitch up the file?"

**20. I am not allowed to have an epic Yugioh battle with Pokemon Trading Cards.**

"I summon Jirachi EX in attack mode! Then I'll put two cards face down!"

"My turn! I'll sacrifice my Hoppip, Drifblim, and Weedle to Special Summon Reshiram EX!"

The battle ended shortly after when Kris kicked Nate's and Hilbert's asses out of annoyance.

**21. I am not allowed to mutilate/maim/severely injure anybody if annoyed.**

"Aw, c'mon!" Kris pouted.

**22. I am not allowed to use any kind of "spirit channeling."**

"Alright! Let's go!" Calem stared at Serena strangely as the girl became to rub her temples and mumble words under her breath. It became even stranger when she started dancing with lit candles strapped to her head. Calem sweatdropped. "Um... what are you doing?"

"You have been cursed!" Serena howled, jumping on top of a light pole. "By the power of the shiny Mismagius... by the soul of the forgotten Gastly..."

Calem grabbed Serena's wrist and started dialing Professor Sycamore's number on his Holo Caster.

"Professor Sycamore! Serena's been possessed!"

**23. I am not allowed to start a fistfight in the middle of the train station.**

Ethan shook in his running shoes as the leader of the gang he had messed with cracked her knuckles. Emma gave a sadistic glare with an evil glint in her eyes.

"Now, let's get started, shall we?"

**24. I am not allowed to pig out in Lumiose if I have a large sum of money and brag about my money in a subtle manner in front of others.**

"WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, RED?"

Red cackled as he took another bite of his five-star steak. More dishes piled up in front of him. He smiled evilly at Blue, who was staring at him enviously from outside the window, pounding on the glass.

"Being a champion has its privileges."

**25. I am not allowed to threaten people with any type of firearm.**

"Dibs on the last Casteliacone!"

"I don't think so! It's mine!"

"Oh yeah?! And what're you gonna do about it?!"

Lyra raised the pistol she had just pulled out of her bag. Cheren sweatdropped.

"Where the hell does she get all those...?"

**26. I am not allowed to find loopholes around Pokemon logic.**

Barry moaned as he came across another tree. "Damn," he cursed, looking at his team. None of his Pokemon knew Cut. Hell, none of his Pokemon knew any HM moves. How the hell did he progress this far in the game again?

And so with a simple Steel Wing from his Staraptor, the problem was solved. Loopholes. Yaaah.

**27. I am not allowed to change the settings on the 3DS to match any needs.**

Serena shook her head as she looked at the clothing. "I don't like any of these," she complained to herself. And so with a simply switch of the days, the clothing was restocked.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" Calem sobbed as he watched the sky shift from day to night every five minutes.

Kris walked up to Serena and bashed her head. "Stop it, you idiot!"

**28. I am not allowed to Wonder Trade Pokemon just to piss people off.**

"A Snorlax, huh?" Ethan shrugged. This new Wonder Trade system was pretty cool. "Let's take a peek..."

Name: UR MOM

Item: Burn Heal

"DAMMIT!"

**29. I am not allowed to hate on Pokemon.**

"Pokemon's stupid! Pokemon's for kids! Pokemon sucks!"

And on that day, Silver decided to go on a Pokemon hater killing spree.

**30. I am not allowed to steal the spotlight -**

"Sucks to be you!" Blue laughed as stripped down to his boxers.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: ***Ahem* I would just like to say that this chapter will be a crossover with The Legend of Zelda. Also, this chapter will begin a mini-arc. If you haven't played Twilight Princess or Skyward Sword, I sincerely apologize. I update pretty quickly, so I'll be sure to add more stuff exclusively for Pokemon! This arc won't last more than three chapters! Sorry!

* * *

_**Chapter Three - Welcome to Hyrule!**_

"And remind me how this happened again?"

"I blame you, Red."

"Why?"

"Because nothing ever goes right with you around."

"That's - yeah, you're right..."

"So." Blue looked around, scanning the open field before him. "Where the hell are we?"

It all started with a little accident with some Dream Mist, Professor Sycamore, and a PC gone haywire. Honestly, things were getting waaay too out of hand. It was then that the two trainers heard the whinny if a horse and turned to see a familiar hero in green. Red gave a happy grin and whistled loudly, causing the horse to stop in its tracks. "HEY! LINK!"

Link pulled Epona over to the two and glared at the Pokemon Trainers.

"Are you here to set fire to a Picoro Village?"

"Um, no -"

"Are you here to derail a Spirit Train?"

"No!"

"Good." Link gave a huff. "The last two trainers that came along made me want to grind them into bits of unidentifiable organs. Please don't give me the same impression." Red and Blue exchanged looks. Silver and Ethan did say something about a traumatizing wrecking ball accident... well, they would look like they had heart attacks if that topic was ever brought up, so people usually avoided the subject. "Well," Red said, breaking the silence. "Um... where are we?"

Link blinked. "Hyrule. Y'know, the big kingdom that a bunch of stuff happens in?" When the two Pokemon Trainers didn't react, the hero sighed. "Oh, Hylia. Okay. What happened in Kalos to get you guys here?"

Blue shrugged. "Honestly?" He scratched the back of his head. "I have no idea. All I know is the Sycamore is a creepy guy and that Dream Mist tastes _horrible_." Link raised an eyebrow but decided to keep silent. The swordsman looked at the two and how they were Pokeball-less and shook his head. "You don't have a ride, do ya? Well, I can solve that." Link slid off Epona and whistled loudly, letting the sound reverberate through the air. A few seconds later, a piercing screech echoed through the sky, followed by the sound of a pair of flapping wings. Red and Blue watched in awe as a giant bird with a stunning plumage of red dropped out of the sky, landing neatly on the ground. It gave another screech and nustled under Link's arm.

"Well, boys," Link smiled, scratching the bird's head. "This is my Crimson Loftwing. Isn't he awesome? Coolest Loftwing out there, I tell ya." Patting the Loftwing, Link gestured towards the Pokemon Trainers. "So make yourself comfortable. This guy really does like to fly high."

Red and Blue blinked.

"Wait, what?" Blue held up both his palms. "You're telling me that we're flying on that bird?"

"Loftwing," Link corrected.

"But we've never done anything like that before!" Red pouted, trying to get out of the current situation. Link frowned. "What about using Fly?" He countered. "It's literally called Fly. You use Fly. The last time I checked, flying involves heights. Why's it so bad?" Blue shrugged back. "It's... complicated," he answered awkwardly. "It's not really flying. It's more like... teleporting? One second you're at one side of the region and the next you're at the other. It's... weird."

Link just stared. Then he latched onto Red's wrist and threw him on top of his Loftwing, then turned to Blue. The Gym Leader shook his head vigorously. "Please! I, uh, have a fear of heights!"

"Don't care," Link said nonchalantly. With a swift overhand throw, Blue landed on top of Red, causing the protagonist to let out a squeal that was an octave higher than his usual voice. With both trainers on the Loftwing, the Hero of Time nodded happily to his flying companion and shouted "ya!" His Loftwing screeched and charged to the skies with a burst of energy and Epona whinnied, stood on her two hind legs, then rushed off towards the castle in the distance.

* * *

"Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

Link smiled as he groomed his Crimson Loftwing. Throwing a carrot to Epona, the hero turned towards the two Pokemon Trainers. Blue was cradling himself, whispering a mess of words under his breath. Red's right eye twitched as he shivered constantly, keeping silent with a traumatized smile. Link grinned happily. He remembered what had happened to him the first time he rode his Loftwing. The hero shivered as he recalled his own traumatic experiences. The trainers thought that being thrown on a Loftwing and sent flying was bad? Oh, then they had never been pushed off cliffs and extremely tall structures of any sort. Repetitively.

Link stood up, looking at the progress they had made. Castletown was huge, but so was Hyrule Field. Maybe another hour and they would be at the gates. The hero shook his head and gave a sigh. Standing, he walked over to the two traumatized trainers and slapped them both across the face, sending them flying into a heap of rock in the distance. He walked over to the two calmly, picking them both up by their collars and shaking them vigorously. Blue's mumbling stopped and Red's glazed eyes widened. They both looked around quickly as Link released his grip on their clothing.

"Awake now?" The blond hero asked, voice monotone. The two Pokemon Trainers nodded slowly. Red slapped his cheeks, shaking his face around. Blue just took a deep breath.

"Well," Blue started, playing with his thumbs. "That was certainly a new experience." Red nodded his head. "I must say, being traumatized is a very interesting feeling." Link just sighed. Throwing another carrot to Epona and an apple to his Loftwing, he watched as the sun started to fade away into night. The hero frowned as he tapped his foot on the ground once. At his movement, the air around the three dropped several noticeable degrees and their shadows swirled into one large shadow that picked itself off the ground and morphed into a ball of darkness. The sphere then exploded into square-like particles of darkness, revealing a small imp-like creature with a rather large and extravagant mask-hat. The imp creature turned to Link, eyes shining with annoyance.

"Gee, Link. Yeah. Summon me now. _Now._ When I'm in the middle of an intense trivia game." The imp threw her short arms up, obviously angry. "And I was so freaking close! Just one question... just one stupid question..." Link just stood and waited, rolling his eyes and whispering things under his breath until the imp finished making twitching motions.

"Better?" He asked blandly.

"Yeah," the imp admitted.

"Good." The Hero turned to the two Pokemon Trainers who had very strange facial expressions and were questioning how Link and the imp got along. "This is Midna," Link said, introducing the imp with a wave of his hand. "She helped me with beating up Zant and Ganondorf. And she's actually pretty hot. It's just that everybody's more comfortable when she's in imp form, so... yeah."

Midna gave a huff and crossed her arms. "So, why'd you call me? Need advice? Love life issues? Is Zelda getting clingy?" Link stepped back, shocked. "What?" He cried. "No! No! And that's not even canon!" The shadow imp snorted, turning around. "Yeah, but everybody ships it anyway. Two words: Skyward. Sword." She said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. While Link and Midna were in a heated argument, Blue and Red started a private conversation.

"Isn't Midna that really hot chick that Gold got a picture of?" Blue asked, leaning in. Red thought for a little while, then shrugged. "Dunno. Gold did say that the girl traumatized him more than the wrecking ball..."

The two turned slowly towards Midna, who had stopped arguing and was leaning in curiously into their conversation. The Pokemon Trainers just stared for a second before jumping back and letting out a strangled "GAAH!" Midna tilted her head, confused. Then she turned to Link with a questioning glance. "Are they always this jumpy?" She asked, crossing her arms. "Cuz even when I do that on you you don't freak. Well, you were kind of like that when you were stuck in the dungeons and I rode you to get out, but -"

"Midna," Link said, laughing awkwardly. "You're ruining the cutscene enjoyment for those who haven't played Twilight Princess yet." The blue-eyed hero turned towards the fourth wall. "Right?" While the imp and the hero conversed, Red and Blue noticed something simultaneously.

"Sweet Arceus," Red cursed.

Link turned and gave a questioning glance. "What is it?" he asked, leaning in. "Did Epona bite you or something? Or did Midna curse you?"

"Neither," Blue moaned, hands on his belt. "Our Pokemon are gone. That stupid Sycamore probably did some random crap with them." Sinking down, the trainer sighed sadly. "Well, there goes our only method of protection."

Midna snorted. "No protection, huh? Well, kids, it sucks to be you, then. See that path in the distance? That's the dirt path leading up to the gates of Castletown. And you see the sky? Getting dark, isn't it? Well, do you know what happens when you wander off the dirt path at night?"

Link sucked in a deep breath. "Din," he swore. "I completely forgot."

Red stood up suddenly, his eyes widening in confusion. "Wait," he said, holding up his hand. "What happens?"

A single bony hand placed itself on Blue's shoulder. He screamed like a little girl before leaping into Red's arms. "Save me!" he screamed as a horde of Stalchildren started surrounding them.

Link unsheathed his sword and swung it around experimentally while Midna started forming little balls of dark energy. "Red, Blue," The Hero of Time sighed. "Meet the Stalchildren."

"I don't like them very much," Red mumbled as he slowly backed up to where Link stood. The hero shrugged. "Didn't like them when I was a kid in Ocarina of Time either. I would roll as fast as I could to Castletown - then bam! The gates would close and these _abominations_ would appear. I still hate them now."

"Okay, before you start complaining again, please get rid of them," Blue sobbed, clinging onto Red like a baby. Midna snorted, flicking her wrist and sending balls of dark magic flying toward the Stalchildren, blowing their heads off. When they continued to roam around randomly, the Viridian City Gym Leader fainted. Red rolled his eyes and threw a large rock at one of the Stalchildren. Link was completely decimating them while Midna was whistling and using her Twili magic to blow the skeletal monsters to pieces. The process went on for a few minutes until the sun rose.

Red blinked. "Is it normal for the sun to rise that quickly?"

Link snorted. "Yeah. Of course. Nintendo logic, right?"

The Pokemon trainer blinked. "Oh. Oh, right. I almost forgot."

"Well," Midna yawned, "if I'm not needed her anymore, I'm heading back to the Twilight Realm. I have unsettled business with one of my fellow Twili. I swear, if I don't win that trivia game -"

"...Does she make strangling motions a lot?" Red asked sarcastically. Link snorted. "Oh, sometimes they're not just gestures. Anyway, Midna, you can go back. And please tell me that 'trivia game' of yours wasn't some kind of back-alley gambling game."

Midna stayed silent for a moment before snapping her fingers and disappearing into rectangular flecks of light.

"..." Link sighed, shook his head, and proceeded to bash Blue on the head with his gloved fist.

"I'm up!" The Gym Leader yelped, jumping up and out of Red's arms.

"Well, the Stalchildren are gone," Link said, looking forward. "And I just wanted to show off Midna, so we'd better head to Castletown. Zelda should know what to do."

Blue blinked. Then he smiled and shuffled up beside to Hero.

"Zelda, huh? Ooh, Link's got a girl! And she's a princess too, right? Going for the top right away-"

_Clang._

Blue's forehead met with the Hylian Shield and the rival crumpled into a heap again, unconscious.

Link simply wiped the blood off of his shield and smiled as Red gave him a look.

"Shield Bash," the Hero of Time said cheerfully as he placed Blue's limp body on the back of his Loftwing. Red jumped on hesitantly before shaking his head.

"I swear, these bashes to the head and fainting can't be healthy for him."

Link hummed happily and swung his leg over Epona's saddle.

"Good," he laughed, speeding off towards the castle in the distance.


End file.
